If this works as well as I think it does I am going to be set.
Totally Awesome ;)
Third Lifetime
It was thirty years and another life when I saw those eyes again. My fiancée at the time had met this “really cool guy” at work and for weeks insisted that I come meet this fellow. I finally relented and let him drag me up to the shop to meet this guy that my fiancée had put on such a pedestal. I stepped into the shop and stopped cold in my tracks. I could feel him. I knew who it was even before I walked across the shop to the table in the back. I tried to turn around and leave but my fiancée was holding my hand and pulled me toward what I knew was the moment when everything changed. I finally shuffled my way back and moved around the last case and my eyes fell into his. Hazel eyes with a gold ring around the iris, I knew those eyes. The face was older but I knew it was him, even before he spoke.
I knew him but I didn’t think he knew me. I was a different person, a different face a different voice. I figured it was safe enough to sit and talk with him. I knew he would not remember that night, nor would he remember me in the shape I had. That was the beginning of it all. Or I should say the restart of an old love affair…
But of course that is a story for another time, one when I am able to tell or our present and our future. This is the time for remembrance. And that is the memory of when I first met the man who had been and would be my greatest love.
--------------------December 01, 2009------------------------------
So much time and so many things have come to pass since I first set those words to paper. I suppose the best thing to do is pick back up where I left off.
That first day in the shop we spoke little but our eyes met more than I found comfortable. My heart leapt with each meeting of our gazes. It was the beginning of a fast friendship and it was not long before I was spending more and more time with him. When I started working at the shop he would come up and spend the evenings with me. Keeping me company while I closed up and waiting for traffic to die down before he headed back to his home. In those months we became closer and closer friends. I learned about may of the things that had happened to him in his life. It seems that each day we grew closer. There were touches and kisses exchanged over this time and thought I tried to entice him to do other things he refused. Our friendship grew to a point that was more than friends but not quite lovers.
I never had the courage in those days to tell him about that night so very long ago.
A few months later it was decided that a few of us would get together and take a trip to a grand gathering. The four of us, him, me, my fiancée, and one of our dear friends, departed from the shop on a Tuesday night. Little did I know this trip would change all of our lives forever.
Through the trip there was an easy camaraderie between the four of us. One of us drove, while another played navigator and the other two spent time resting in the back of the van. There were a few moments when things got hairy but that was more due to poor driving than any animosity between any of the party members.
When we arrived at the home of my brother things were still easy and light. My fiancée and I went upstairs to sleep but for some reason even in my exhaustion I found it difficult to sleep. I could feel him downstairs and it was eating at me.
The following day we decided to go exploring. For any of you that have been the only female in the vehicle with multiple men you can understand the frustration of trying to get them to decide on anything. So after getting some breakfast we headed down the highway. I was not sure where we were going but I felt pulled to the other side of town. It was there that I saw the sign for our destination. Of course the guys were fine with the decision and off we went for a history lesson.
We arrived at our destination and got our gear together and started walking. He decided that we would say a prayer at some point in the hike and started looking for a place to conduct the ceremony. While we walked he took the opportunity to read the stories etched in the walls of the valley and also to teach my fiancée some of the old ways. Once again I felt this pull to keep moving forward. There was something just ahead that I needed to see.
After being called back by our friend repeatedly I finally made it to the place where I was being pulled. It was not a pleasant experience to say the least. I felt as if I had walked into a wall of pain. Every muscle in my body began to hurt. At that point our friend called me back yet again and I returned to the clearing that he was considering for the prayer. I told him flat out that it was the wrong place and after he looked at me like I had lost my mind he indulged me and let me guide him to the crest of the hill where I had had my episode. I stood behind him, placed my hands on his shoulders and rested my head against his back as I guided him to the hill. At the crest of the hill I stopped and pointed to the bottom where he was to say the prayer then stopped to kneel on the side of the path. I could go no farther, the pain was too great. Our friend stayed with me as he and my fiancée went down the hill to say the prayer. In the process of the prayer they discovered an ancient visage that shocked us all. As soon as they turned and saw the great warrior the pain lifted and I was able to join them at the bottom of the hill. I will never forget looking up to the side of the hill and seeing the great warrior watching over us.
The rest of the day was fairly uneventful, we climbed and read the stories and at the end of the day we returned to my brother’s house. On the way back to the house I began to get a terrible headache so when we got home I kissed my brother on the cheek, took some medicine and curled up on the bed in the office downstairs.
I remember my brother checking in on me before he went to bed, I also remember our friend checking in on me before he went to bed. Heck even my brothers girlfriend and her brother checked in on me before bed. My fiancée on the other hand did not. He went up to bed after having a couple of drinks and didn’t say a word to me.
It was sometime after midnight when he came in to check on me. He knocked gently at the door and as soon as I heard it I knew it was him. I asked him to come in and sit with me for a while. As soon as his hand touched mine my heart began to race. I sat up and curled into his arms. While I was resting I had been having nightmares, and I simply sought comfort from someone I trusted. As I leaned against him he felt my heart race and stood to leave. It was at this moment that I knew that if he walked out of that room that I would never see him again. My heart stopped and my breath caught. I gasped and according to him made the most pitiful sound he had ever heard and in the pitch black night reached out and grabbed his hand.
That was our first night together. We spent much of it talking, exploring each other and admitting our feelings for each other. It is a night I will never forget.
The rest of the week was spent with days out at the gathering, evenings spending time with our friends and late nights spent in each others arms. I never did sleep back upstairs with my fiancée. Sadly my fiancée was clueless as to what was going on right under his nose. At least I assume he was because he never said anything to either of us about it.
The drive home was the longest two days of my life. What would happen now that we were returning to our normal lives? Would he go back to his home and his wife, would it all just be a memory. I wept silently when we dropped him off at his house.
A few days later was my daughters birthday party. He and his wife arrived separately, he and I had spoken since our return but we had not seen each other and it was one of the most painful weeks of my life. Everyone had a good time at the party. Well everyone but his wife. At one point she and he got into an argument and she left with his daughter. He was so angry that I convinced him that it would be better for him to stay with my fiancée and I than to go home to an ongoing fight.
It was that night that we realized that we not only wanted to be together but we needed to be together. He never stayed another night in that other house again.
The next week seems like a blur. I admitted to my fiancée that I was no longer in love with him, and in fact admitted that I had not been in love with him for a very very long time. He confronted my fiancée and sent him packing with a plane ticket. That is when we began our life together, yet again.
The next seven years seem like a blur. We were married two years after that trip. The following year he injured himself and his health began to deteriorate. We worked to raise out daughters and give them a safe and happy home. Each night I spent curled up in his arms and knew safety and peace.
Our life was not an easy one. His divorce was difficult and the trauma his daughter had seen at her mothers hand created a number of challenges for us. But we faced each challenge as it came and did the best we could. His health deteriorated to the point he retired from the job he loved so much and we spend each and every day together. We started a small business, and lived as best we could. Always voicing and showing our love for each other.
When things reached their apex we decided that it was time to move home and so we began to make plans. That is when disaster struck. After what seems to be a normal day he ended up at the emergency room. Three days after he was admitted his life ended. His heart gave up and he was gone. That day part of me died as well. We had been so much a part of each other, spending hours just talking and being together that it was like my own soul had been ripped from my body.
Now I sit here many months later and there is still a gaping hole, and a constant pain. I miss him each and every day. I am learning to live again, spending time with dear friends who are helping me to see that there is life beyond the tears.
Exclusive Bitten by Books
Contest! Win a Book, Save The World!
I know this is going to break your heart, BUT we have another amazing book contest for you. We are excited to offer up TEN shiny new hardback copies of Jim Butcher’s Turn Coat
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Learn more about Jim Butcher here:
Read reviews of the author’s work here.
To visit the author’s website go here.
To visit the author’s blog go here.
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Readers, here’s how to enter the contest. You can do ONE or ALL of these things, and each one will give you additional entries at a chance to WIN. We will be giving away TEN brand new hardback copies of Jim Butcher’s latest release Turn Coat
Please note, the prize stated IS the prize you will receive, there will be absolutely no substitutions or changes the prize is non-transferable. If you don’t want the prize being offered, please don’t enter the contest. If you ever win an electronic copy of a book, please note that it is ILLEGAL to forward, give away or copy it in anyway once you receive it. Doing so violates copyright. If we find out that it has been done, you will no longer be eligible to win any of our contests.
1. The easiest way to enter is by purchasing copies of any of Jim’s books in any format! Yep, it is true, if you purchase Jim’s by using this link HERE:
Jim Butcher’s Amazon store
You will get SIXTY entries to the contest for EACH copy you purchase in ANY format from AMAZON.
Books in the Dresden Files series in the order they should be read:
Storm Front
Fool Moon
Grave Peril
Summer Knight
Death Masks
Blood Rites
Dead Beat
Proven Guilty
White Night
Small Favor
Turn Coat
It is NOT mandatory to purchase anything to enter the contests, there are plenty of other ways to enter and win. Just email me a copy of your purchase receipt to racoo.smith @ gmail.com (no spaces). Sorry no faxes or snail mail copies.
2. In order to be entered into this contest the ONE thing you ALL have to do is leave a comment telling us who your favorite Dresden Files character is and what your favorite scene is and the book title it can be found in. No talking = no entries! You can come by EVERY DAY through 4/20/09 and comment for more entries. Good for 10 entries.
3. Buy ANYTHING from Amazon today THROUGH 4/20/09 by using the Amazon search box on the right hand side of our site. We will know if you used the box to search and buy, so please be sure to use it or your entries won’t count. Send me a copy of the receipt VIA email (sorry no faxes or snail mail) for your purchase to: racoo.smith @ gmail.com (no spaces). Good for 20 entries per item purchased.
4. Stop by Bitten by Books and meet Jim Butcher on Wednesday April 29th! Have your questions ready for a live interactive Q&A session with him. Mention you heard about the event from this contest. Good for 20 entries.
5. Spread the word FAR AND WIDE by copying and pasting this blog post in it’s ENTIRETY to your blog, groups etc. You must include the entire post and include the contest banner at the top of the page. Then come back here and show us the links to where you promoted this event and Jim’s interview in this post. Good for 25 entries PER place you post it.
6. SUBSCRIBE to the Bitten by Books newsletter here on the right hand side of the site. This is for new subscribers only. Be sure you VERIFY your subscription, an email is sent with the verification link. Unverified subscribers will not be entered and will be deleted from the mailing list. Good for 10 entries.
7. Spread the word, the more places you post the event, the more entries you get. Post the link to the event / contest today (http://bittenbybooks.com/?p=6046) at another blog, website, Myspace, Ning Group, Facebook, Yahoo Group, Goodreads, Shelfari (any group where it is appropriate). You MUST come back here to this interview and post those links in one response here in this thread. Good for 10 entries per place you post the link to this event.
NOTE: if you post multiple links here, your post will not show up right away. If you don’t see it, don’t keep posting it, we WILL approve your entry later on in the day.
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10. Twitter and ask your friends to re-tweet the URL for this event be SURE to include us in your tweet @BittenbyBooks http://bittenbybooks.com/?p=6046. Good for 10 entries each day you tweet it.
11. Add Jim’s website and blog to your blog roll or links page: http://www.jim-butcher.com/
http://jimbutcher.livejournal.com/
Good for 10 entries for each place you post each link.
12. Add Bitten by Books to your blog roll or links page: http://bittenbybooks.com if you leave our link up permanently you will always be entered into our contests automatically. Just be sure to stop by each contest we hold and leave the link to where it is so we can give you your entry! Good for 10 entries.
13. Email ALL of your friends and invite them to come by this week be sure to copy me on your email racoo.smith @ gmail.com (no spaces)! If your fiends come and post here and say you sent them, they get FIVE entries and you get TEN entries! They have to tell us who you are so we know who to give the entries to. You can invite as many people as you want and get all the extra entries! We do NOT use any emails we receive for anything other than the contest entries. Once they are counted the emails are deleted.
14. Join the The Blood Bank the Bitten by Books Community! here: http://bittenbybooks.ning.com/ then come back here and tell us your user name. Be sure to post something about yourself on your blog there. Good for 10 entries
GENERAL CONTEST INFORMATION:
The contest ends on 4/20/09 at 11:59 pm PDT and the winners will be contacted the following week. You will receive your prize directly from Bitten by Books. PLEASE LEAVE YOUR FIRST AND THE INITIAL OF YOUR LAST NAME as well as a valid email where we can contact you. REMEMBER the more things you do, the more entries, the greater the chances of winning.
IMPORTANT CONTEST RULES:
1. If you aren’t interested in receiving the prize, offered please do not enter the contest.
2. You have THREE days from the day the I contact you to claim your prize by sending your name/mailing address to me. Failure to contact me will forfeit your prize. BBB can at that time, choose either to re- award the prize to another entrant or not.
3. The prize stated IS the prize you will receive, there will be no substitutions, trades or changes. No exceptions. Please do not ask. If for some reason you do not wish to claim your prize, please let me know as soon as possible. We have the option to re-award it or not.
4. Contest is open to readers worldwide. The prize is shipped directly from Bitten by Books.
5. Bitten by Books is in NO way responsible for the prizes being offered in any of the contests. If for some reason a contributor does not honor their prize, there is nothing we can or will do about it. We are not worried that this will happen, but we want to be very clear that WE are not offering these prizes, the contributor is and it is their responsibility to fulfill their prize obligations.
6. These rules are subject to change or be modified without prior written notice.
7. Contest is void where prohibited.
8. By entering this contest you are agreeing to our terms of entry
Tags: Author,Contest,Dresden Files Series,FREE,Free Books,Harry Dresden,Jim Butcher,Turn Coat
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Friday March 20th
4:00 pm to 9:00 pm
Kriegshauser West Mortuary
9450 Olive Blvd
Olivette MO 63132
314-994-3322
The memorial service will begin at 7:30. It is going to be an informal memorial. If you have something you want to share feel free to. But It is not anything set. This is a time for family and friends to say goodbye to Jim and to be there for each other.
After the services Jim will be cremated. Next week I will be taking him to Mississippi to the Ancestral home of the Choctaw to disperse his ashes and lay him to rest with his ancestors, as he wished it.
Anyone who wants to go with us to Mississippi is welcome to accompany us. All I ask is that you be respectful while we are on tribal grounds.
THank you all for your concern and condolances. I am doing alright. Right now I am more numb than anything else but I am working through everything and will be alright.
Thank you
Cassie WhisperingCrow Hickinbotham
March 16th 2009 at 3:15 pm.
My life turned upside down at that moment. My husband Jimmy Kent Rabidwolf Hickinbotham passed on from this life and moved west to the Happy Lands.
For those of you that did not know him, he was a wonderful man who made my life brighter from the moment I met him. For those of you who did know him, you know he was a cranky a**hole at times but that never diminished the joy he brought to my life.
A Memorial Service will be on Friday March 20th. I will post the time tomorrow after I get everything set up. The services will be in Missouri (email me if you want specifics to attend).
After the memorial his body will be cremated and I along with members of his family of choice will be taking his ashes to Mississippi to spread over the Mother Hill at Nanaha Wyah.
At the time of the cremation traditional song and prayer will be sent up from Oklahoma, from a traditional friend who has agreed to tend tho the ceremony for me.
At this time I can honestly say I am completely numb. I am sure things will sink in over time but for now I am just planning to get things set up then I will be able to mourn him from there.
The Last First Book We Ever Wrote
Hello there! My name is Bree, and I’m one half of the romance-writing, virtual-crime-fighting duo known as Moira Rogers. I’m here today because Bitten by Books was kind enough to agree to help us celebrate something really exciting that only comes once in an author’s lifetime: the release of the first book we ever wrote.
Awesome, right? We sure think so! Of course, the part that takes a little bit of explaining is the part where Crux is, in fact, our sixteenth ebook to be released. A lot has happened to us since fall of 2007, when we first sat down to try and tell the story of Mackenzie and Jackson, the heroine and hero who have to fight an evil supernatural conspiracy spanning generations to win their chance at a happy ending. We scampered off to hone our craft on short stories and novellas and learned from our experience. But we always came back to this story, because in the end we loved our tough determined heroine and her smooth talkin’ detective hero too much to leave alone.
Today, in honor of Crux’s release, we’ve teamed up with Bitten by Books for a chance to make someone else just as excited as we are. We have in our possession a NEW Apple iPod touch 8 GB (1st Generation)
Book Excerpt: “Jackson Holt makes a decent living as a private investigator in New Orleans, home of one of the largest underground supernatural populations in the United States. He and his partners have never met a case they couldn’t crack…until a local bar owner asks him to do a little digging on her newest hire.
New Orleans is the fourth destination in as many months for Mackenzie Brooks, a woman on the run from a deranged stalker. After all, any man who shows up on her doorstep claiming to be her destined lover has more than a few screws loose. But crazy doesn’t explain why he always finds her no matter how far she runs.
When her well-meaning boss puts a PI on her case, Mackenzie comes face to face with the incredible truth: magic is real, and whatever spell has kept her hidden and separate from the paranormal world is rapidly deteriorating.
With time running out, she has no choice but to trust Jackson as he struggles to uncover the truth of her past-and her destiny.”
On Thursday February 19, 2009 at 5:00 pm CST. I tried to end my own life. I took approximately 20 mg of valium and between 100 and 300 mg of morphine. Some of you received a goodbye message from me at that time.
At 6pm I was in the emergency room at St Johns Mercy Medical Center being treated for the overdose and admitted into the psych program for evaluation.
The odd thing was the fact that NONE of the morphine showed up in any of my bloodwork.
I spent the night in the hospital and after talking with the Psychiatrist on friday i was allowed to come home. For the last few days I have been sleeping and trying to work all the crap out of my system and keep focused on keeping myself together while things have not changed at all here.
My problems are: I have a 16 year old bipolar child who is non responcive to anything i have tried to do to help her, and as far as i can tell she gives two shits about anything other than herself. Yes I am bitter and angry about this because i bend over backwards to help her and feel like I am shit on at every turn. Thus part of my feeling of hopelessness thrusday when i decided to take the pills.
part 2. i have a husband who is disabled and has been at home bitter and depressed since he left his job 2 years ago. He is also completely self absorbed (at least Mimi comes by it honestly) and cannot understand why I cannot and will not open up to him. I guess i got tired of trying to talk to him and everything getting turned around to be a pity party for him, or turned around to be about something he wanted to talk about or whatever the case was. I just feel like he would rather talk about his stupid electronics than really give a damn about how I am doing/feeling.
I have tried to run away into my new job but that is only making things worse here at home because I cannot keep the house up and work as much as i was before without making my depression even worse.
So in a nutshell. I am depressed. Yes I know I need help. No I do not want to sob on amy of y friends shoulders, and no I am not going to try to kill myself again. Apparently even when i do want to die Creator will not let me excape this shit and keeps me here.
Yea I sound and feel bitter, sorry if i am tired of being second fiddle to the husband and kids, sorry i an sick of pushing all my dreams, homes and hell even thoughts aside to help boost their egos, and keep them going.
So here is my little rant. I tried to kill myself, cannot even do that right, so i sit here and listen to Jim go on and on about his stupid boards to repair and listen to him groan and complain about his pain that i cannot help with and slip deeper and deeper into this hole that is my heart.
Gee bright and cheery isnt it. Well I am going to go do the one thing I can do to even remotely excape from all of this. I am going to go back to sleep for a while.
I love you all and I am sorry I scared you.
